I thought

That I was doing so much better. That everything was clearing up. But I'm not over the pain. I still hurt, I still cry. This feeling of emptiness won't leave. It won't go away. I hate you, I hate you for everything. Your voice makes me sick. I can't look at you. or any picture of you. Without feeling like I'm being stabbed. This song kills me. Every song on the radio is like the soundtrack to my life. This horror movie. I don't know what I need, or what I want.

It's over now.

I can't even write. Nothing. There is nothing. I can't even breathe.

Don't hold yourself like that

I don't miss you. I don't.
I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to say. I have been blank since last night. Since I saw you. Since I talked to you. Your soft words echo in my head. Again and again. Stop it, stop it please. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to remember it any longer. I don't want to be here. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want the memories. I don't want to know who you are.

I walked to the store earlier. Memories of you. Of me. Memories of us flashed through my mind. Back and forth. Every day with you. I almost tripped. It's hard to breathe. It's hard to think. I stay up at night. Almost until morning. I try to turn it off. All of it. I want to start over. I don't want this. I never wanted this. Sometimes I forget.. about you.. for a minute. And then you're back.

Please leave. Please go. Don't come back. Get out of my mind, please get out of my head. I'm not this strong.
I'm not this way.

I'm a lover, not a fighter. I wanted you to love me back. That's all. I wanted you to love me.