yeah

I don't care anymore
I don't care about not caring anymore

. . .. .

I'm working on breathing, and I'm not doing very good.




I need help

7:34 AM

thats what the clock said last time I looked at it.
And last time I went to sleep it was..
I don't know
a long time ago though.
Ohhh it was 5:30 A.M. .... yesterday morning.
And I woke up at 11:00 A.M.
And I have no slept since : D
I'm bored and I am not tired. And I would LOVE to have McDonalds right now:D
Blahhh bye

uh

stop fighting

Hope..

Yeah, hope is right. This is what came up when I googled 'hope'... I'm glad it did. Because when I thought up the word hope in my mind, this is the exact picture that I saw. Weird. So there is hope. There is always hope. What is hope? Hope is
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Give me a reason to have hope. Give me a reason to believe. Give me something to believe. I'm sick of lies. Tired of lies. Sick and tired of all these lies. Get it? yeah that's it. I want truths. I have none. Someone tell me the truth. All the truth. Everything true you know. I want to hear it. right now. If I don't, it will hurt. It already hurts. It will just hurt worse. You probably think I am an idiot. So what. I don't care. But I do. Give me something to care about. I want to have hope. What is faith? Can you tell me? Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing. I have no faith. It's true. None. none none none. I want to have faith. in someone.something. I want hope. There is hope. Is there hope? I don't know. do you know? I'm weird. I like this. Please be my hero. My anti depressant. my drug? something of the sort. Keep me going. Be the one to keep a smile on my face. To get at least a giggle out of me each day. Help me make it through the day, help me pull through everything. Will you be my angel? Help me out. I don't know what's going on. I need something to fight for.

Dad!

There's many things I can say about him.
He more appeals to me as a friend, than a dad.
It's really cool.
We should be best friends.
I think I kind of wish we were.
That would be really neat.
He's cooler then your dad.
Because your dad is JUST a dad, and my dad, is more.
I know you're jealous.
I'm jealous too.

....?

yeah

Anyways, he's really cool!
And he just amazes me, he's really smart.
And I really like his writing.
myclearing.blogspot.com
its really good..

I don't know really.
He took me to sushi once, it was fun.
Go to sushi with him sometime.
You would love it, there is creepy Asian people that work there.
: )

bye
I love him

Well

It's just mood swings?

Mixed Emotions..

My head is sort of spinning. I don't exactly know how I feel right now. A mix really. Heart broken, but over what? Sympathetic, who am I sorry for? Myself? Probably. Upset. I know there's reasons.. quite a few. And deep down, there's a smile hidden somewhere. When will it show up?

I'm not liking that most of these days I'm sad.

I gave my dad a massage earlier, while he was typing up a new blog.
I like his writing a lot.
He's very smart, and a good writer.

I have hiccups? I don't know the proper spelling for that.

Haha they are gone now.

I hate feeling so weak. having low self esteem.
Something sometimes gets me down.
I hate being this low.

feeling.

I know I'm strong.
I need someone to help me remember that.

I have a hard time.

Running..
Yeah, so I started running.
And I am not doing good.
I haven't been doing it for a while now.
Lame?
yeah I know.

Repeat, good button.
'Vienna' -Billy Joel.
Good song.


I don't know what to write now, because I'm feeling so hurt.
I don't know what about though.

I just feel really in need of a nice long good talk, and a huge hug.
I know that seems really simple, and stupid.

But it's what I need.
Too bad I can't have it.
bye.

Nothing ....

Everything happens for a reason.
I sometimes question that saying..
Sometimes things happen that I don't understand at all. And it seems the only reason that they happened is to hurt someone. And who likes to see people suffer? So many things happen that I wish wouldn't. But a lot of times I learn from them. And they mostly make me stronger. But it never really changes the fact that I wish they wouldn't happen. Or at least not the way that they did.

I upset myself a lot. And I disappoint myself with some of the things I do, or say. I don't like myself. I really wish I did, but no. I don't like myself one bit. I'm not happy with myself, nor am I happy with where I'm at in life. It feels like I'm stuck, in a point in time. Not moving. I need to feel like I'm moving forward. I need to feel like I'm progressing. And I don't.

I don't like feeling like I've been at the same spot for a long time. I don't like feeling like I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not moving.

I need to be pushed. When I set myself up to do something, I'm not going to back down. I don't want to give up. I need to push myself. And I need others to push me. To keep going.

I hate feeling like I can't talk to someone. I hate feeling like I have no one to have a deep conversation with.
I guess it's because I hardly have anybody.
I wish there were more people willing to sit down and just talk.

I would much rather have a deep conversation with somebody than do something fun, like dance.

I hate the mood that I'm in 93% of the time. And that would be because it's not a good mood.
I'm normally sad these days. :/ I want to meet someone who can change that.
That someone would be my best friend. : ) My angel : ) My everything : ) and My hero.

Will you be my hero?

I've come to realize that everyone makes mistakes.
And I shouldn't smother myself with shame and guilt.
I should probably let go of things more easily and forgive myself.
I forgive others more easily than I do myself.

I have run out of things to write about : )

A life of simplicity

I like to think that my life is fairly simple, yet very assiduous. Ready now. Okay go, I love writing, I love reading, I love blogging. I've begin to think of it as more of a hobby. I know it sounds asinine probably, but it's the honest truth. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs also, it's mostly that I like learning about people. My life consists of what most 13 year old girls lives consist of. To myself, that would be friends, music, boys, food, or not? And possibly family. I have the basics right here. The best friend, and the boyfriend. It seems that they are all I need, I like to think that I'm right. Most of the time, I'm pretty positive that I am. And then there's those times when I think I need so much more, and I have it so hard. Everything is basically handed to me. And I learn to appreciate it more and more each time I think about it. I have what I need/want. I'm a happy camper. While we're on the subject, I'd like to inform you that I dislike camping very much. I'm kind of a picky person, but I'm not. I am easy, I am difficult, I am myself. I do things, for myself, and I do things for other people. I am a very opinionated person, and I like to voice my opinions. I change my mind a lot, it's hard for me to decide what I want. There's things I will not change my mind on though. Don't get in my way, I'll knock you straight down. I'm strong, I'm not weak in any way. I have more strength in certain areas more than others, but I am not weak. So please, do not try to knock me down, do not try to stop me, do not get in my way.
I like to think that I'm the kind of girl, everyone wants to know. I'm the kind of friend, everyone wants to have. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not near that. I'm not being conceited, I'm being honest. I believe I'm an intelligent person. I know how to word things, most of the time. I like and dislike a lot of things, and I know what they are. Not because I have so much spare time, but because I make time in my day. To just sit down and think. I'm a thinker, I'm a writer, I'm a reader. I'm a lot of things. They are mostly good things. I like to say what I enjoy doing. Probably my favorite thing to do would be to take a long walk with myself, or one other person. Someone I'm close to. I'm a healthy person, in my mind. I'm always lost, in my mind. I have a lot of thoughts, I have a lot of things to think about. It's been this way for a long while, maybe someday I'll find myself.