I don't like titles.

I am not happy.

help me.

But I am not asking you to help me, or anyone else. The only person who can make you happy is yourself. But I am incapable of doing so. Because I suck. It isn't just that I am not happy. I am miserable, sometimes. In my mind, and sometimes not only in my mind, but in general, I am in this terribly depressed state. I cannot get out of it. I don't know how it feels to be happy. But I do. I know how it feels to be happy... it feels... like you could just freeze in that moment of time.. and be there forever.. because you never want anything to change. Like when that one person holds you, you never want to let them go. Or when they kiss you, and you never ever want to leave that state. That state of happiness. Of love. Comfort.


I have so many mixed emotions so often. All the time. Every day. Every second. Every second but those that I am in this intimate state. If that makes sense. It does to me. Feel intimate. That I feel intimate. Every second but those that I feel intimate. I am pretty sure that I confuse everyone that reads these pretty bad. I don't make much sense.
I don't know what to write anymore.

. ! . ! .

You hurt to feel. You hurt yourself.



You do what you do, and you do it so well. You're beautiful. You're beautiful in everything you do. You throw their words back at them. In a harsh unmeaning full matter. And you say you don't care. But you really do care. You care. You say it doesn't hurt. You're so used to the pain. It's all that you know. And you know nothing else. You can't feel. You can't hurt. So you hurt yourself. In a way that no one knows. In a way that no one understands. And you don't understand. They only want to help. We only want to help, we only want to help, we only want to help. But you don't want their help. You don't want our help. You're so used to the only thing you know, and you're scared. You say you aren't but you are. You're so scared. So scared to be happy. To love. To laugh. So scared to live. And you breathe. But not to keep on going. Not to keep on living. You breathe, and it hurts. You force it upon yourself. You make up these ways of making yourself hurt. That no one understands. Nobody but you could hurt with the ways that you do it. And you can't not hurt, when you inhale. And you let it go. But it stays there. And you can't let it go. All you know is what's in you. But you don't know what is in you. You think you love to hurt, to cry. Because that's all you know to do. But to laugh, and to love.. and to live.. Why can't you know.. ? Because, because you're scared. I know how it feels. We all know how it feels.. To hurt for so long, and be so unhappy.. for so long.. that all you know is how to be unhappy. and how to hurt so badly. How to bleed without blood. And cry without tears. You're dead. But not to us. Not to them. You are dead to yourself. You have given up hope. And you have no desire to come back. But it's only because you don't believe. And there is no proof of anything. Because believing is seeing. You won't see until you believe. Believe in something. Anything you want. And when you believe, you will see. That this life is worth living. It's worth the love and laughs. You feel so alone. So find someone. Find faith in someone, or something, if you can't find it in yourself. Find a foundation, a solid ground to stand on. Find something to believe in. Grab it. Hold it tight. And DON'T LET GO.