Again yeah?

"I wish I could write like that..."
Her voice fades as she walks down the hall..

I wonder if she realizes what comes with the being able to write like "that..".
I wonder if she knows the pain that makes me able to write that way, or this way.
If it's worth the self loathing to her. I hope it isn't.
But I know she wonders.. and I know she imagines.. I know she wants to know what it feels like to hurt so badly and be so... bad.
She even says she does, to convince herself it's true.
Everyone has that part of them that wants to rebel, and wants to know what it's like to be different from everybody and wants to know how it feels to fail. How it is to prey on your pain.
Blissful Stillness, is the name of the song.

She is innocent.

Against her will..

Where do I go?

Sleepless nights, cold and shaky hands.
I lay there, I hold my breath. Gather memories and thoughts. They make me sick.
Empty days...Cold and shaky heartbeats.
Pouring rain drowns everything existing around me. I fall underwater, this breath I've been holding for so long starts to leak out of me. My lungs collapse and I sink to the bottom. I'm still here. Sunk to the bottom of this drown dream, breathless and lifeless, I can't fall out of existence. I close my eyes, I can still see. The long nights before are all a blur, I try to remember. I open my eyes, everything starts to fade. I'm flashing through parts of my past that I had forgotten about. I'm feeling ways I have only felt in an innocent state. I try to process and understand how I can feel these things in such a corrupt place. I'm lost in all my confusion. I lay here wasted, my vision is fucked. I flash through past times that are filled with sins, times when I'd give in. Again and again. My strength is gone. I can't move now. I lay here, completely weak, completely gone. My mind, overflowing with memories and thoughts, starts to go black. I only breathe. This is self torture. I don't panic, I don't move. I'm disappearing.