While I am living a very successful life doing things that I love and feeling good, you will be drinking your selfish, foolish, and childish life away. It's okay.
I am calm, you are not. I am at peace. Though my heart is shattered into a million tiny tiny pieces, and will remain this way until we meet again, I am moving forward. I am making progress.
I always wonder why I'm here. I always think too much. Sometimes I get really scared, and start to think that nothing is real. I'm scared of death. But even more I'm scared of life. It feels fake. Everything feels fake. I don't want to get old. Only with you. Only you..
I will not forget you, I will not. I will love you. And I will miss you. I do miss you. I think about you. But not every second. A lot, still. When I dance, I dance not for you, not for my parents, not for Heather. For me. I give it everything. I think of you. And all of the love I have for you. All of the passion I feel for you. And I throw it into every move I make, every emotion I have...I show it, all. I feel it. I feel all of it. And it hurts, it hurts so bad. But it feels so good. I don't remember the last time I cried myself to sleep. But I hope you do every night. I hope you wish you weren't such a damn fool. I hope you grow up someday. And I hope you hate every second of every day. I hope it hurts like hell. It will soon. It will. I wonder if you hate yourself for making me love myself. I wonder if you hate that the reason I'm so strong is because you hurt me so bad. Maybe you cry in the shower every day, thinking of how good I always was to you. And how you treated me so horribly. Like some stupid little girl. Oh don't get me wrong, I love you, so much. I'm better now. Not all the way. I'm getting there.
I can make you so happy.. just wait. You'll be sorry...
I'm sick. Of course. I'm always sick. But my throat, it hurts. I will go eat some soup.
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3 comments:
Dance your insides out baby...just so YOU can know and except and love your whole self. I love you so much<3
I heard today that you're dancing again. That's awesome.I'm really glad you're doing better. We should get together and watch movies, like you come over some day or something. and I really want to do a photoshoot of you.
You are beautiful and deserve the best, I hope that when your dancing you will find a true passion in that, and it will show you the you that you are, the you that God has intended you to be. Don't lose your heart in anything that comes at you and could bring you down, you deserve the best. Dance your heart out, don't stop. If it is what keeps you going, and keeps so sane when the world seems crazy, then keep doing it. <3
you are more amazing than you know. Shhh. Even more amazing than that.
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