I need

I want to forget everything, UGHLKJFHGLKDJG I'M STRUGGLING. I'M GIVING UP. I'M HURTING. I'M SUFFERING. I'M MISERABLE. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I want to know how if feels to be happy. I want to laugh so hard, and not stop. I want to smile, so big, and not be able to keep a straight face. I want to not be able to cry, no matter how hard I try.

Nothing is real to me. I want to feel important. I want to feel worth something. I want to feel like I matter.

KNOW that this is not a breakdown. this is my every day. this is how I feel. this is normal. for me.

What can I say? I feel. every emotion.
Nothing can help. nothing. I feel like, things won't change.


" I want to laugh so hard, and not stop. I want to smile, so big, and not be able to keep a straight face. I want to not be able to cry, no matter how hard I try."

I felt that way. Somebody made me feel that way. Once.
I want it back, I want it every day. I want it all the time.

And at the same time I want nothing. I hurt so bad I want to not be here anymore.