I miss you.

My love, I think of you always.
I am constantly reminded of you.
I love you, I will always love you.
I am sure you've forgotten me. That's okay.
I do not wish to forget you.
You know, I'd give anything to speak to you.
You're the only one who ever understood.
I have so much to say, so much to tell you..
But I know I never will.
I have everything, but I am completely alone.
I am completely empty.
I dream, I long, I cry..
Come back for me. Please, don't leave me.
If you go, I lose everything, my self goes first.
You went. Everything changed.
Where am I? Who am I?
I think I'm trapped, I know I'm lost.
Why did you have to go?
Since you left I've been alone.
When you went, I turned cold.
I've been broken without you.
I would be okay if you were still here, you know.
I wouldn't be dead if you didn't go.
See what's happened to me?
Look at what I've turned into.
And now I'll never be loved.
I'll never be accepted or wanted.
I've been destroyed.
And I'm more ugly than I've ever been.
I'm more nothing than I ever was.
I want to disappear.
I can hardly breathe.
Save me. Help me.
Take back everything you did.
Rewind. and just be there.
All I EVER wanted was you to love me back.
Why couldn't you just love me?
I am ruined.
I cannot love anyone now.
I cannot be anyone now.

I miss you, every day.

This is where I lose.

Am I lost? Have I gone missing?
Has anybody noticed, or is it just me?
How long have I been away? Don't tell me. Though I won't feel anything at all.
I am not afraid to know that I have misplaced my self.
I am completely alone in this place, but you are here.
It's dark, and empty. There's nothing here.
No comfort, nor discomfort.
The only love is of hate, the only pleasure comes from pain.
Existence is not known.
This perished place, defined as death by the unmindful.
They'd say it's corrupt, they'd say that we're lost.
In a sense they'd be right, but not how they think.
We have been tainted, we have been turned.
We have been burnt to living death in this hell.
Judged, abused, and hated by most.
Lied to, used, and mistreated, always.
We've lived, we've learned, and we've died.
Pushed completely beyond our limit.
Gone and not coming back.
No regret, no guilt, no shame.
Pure evil.
About nothing but making you hurt, when you don't deserve it.
I feed off your innocence.
Seductive, misleading, and sick.
I'm a fraud, but you'll fall for it.
You crave me, and I long to corrupt you.
This is something you cannot fathom.
Such darkness you'll never know, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The world is mine.

And you don't know who you thought you were.

What are we supposed to do without our minds?
We'll hide away for our souls have been stolen, and now we feel so alone.
Forget all of our needs. You are my one desire.
Touch me. Want me. Love me. Always.
We drown ourselves in feelings of despair, for we have been depraved.
Involuntarily stripped of our sanity, when we were young.
Torn from innocence, we turned our ways.
Our heads abound in vile thoughts...
We began with self destruction.
The mind I swear I once had, I'd admit to be ailing.
It all became a matter of choice, complete with masochism.
We are cold, we are dark, we are sick. But we are passionate, and we are real.
Though my heart may seem dark, it's what I have to offer.
I know it's nothing special, but it will always beat for you.

There's no such thing as a title

Where is the refresh button?
It wouldn't be cheating.. right?
I'm tired, I'm sick.
I'm drained, empty.
I'm weak, useless.
I feel as if I can barely breathe.
I feel as if I have no worth.
Why do you continuously try giving up on me, self?
Why am I here?
No, it's not that I don't want to be, I just don't understand why I am.
I know what I want, I just don't know if I want it.
That's totally ridiculous, I know.
I want to want it all, I want to crave it and need it.
It seems like I don't and can't feel.
I know there are some things I feel.
Like my passionate hate for Crystal.
The feeling grows stronger every day,
each minute that I think about Her.
Though I'm just as evil a monster.
I long for desire.
I hardly even crave something so little as cigarettes anymore.
Where have I gone, and will I ever return?

this feels

Who ever decided you should have to title your blogs?
I don't like that.
I don't have anything to say really.
This feels like an end.
I lay in my bed, I cry, I hurt.
I'm sorry, so deeply sorry.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
You got a thousand, I got none.
I forgave you, I held you, I comforted you.
I whispered its okay, everyone makes mistakes.
I said, we're all human, we all mess up.
Nobody is perfect.
I guess I have to be.
I didn't do enough for you?
I wasn't there?
But I was, I was there.
I never meant to hurt you. I've never lied to you.
I would never hurt you again.
You are my everything, you hurt I hurt.
This can't be the end.
I can't let go of you, I can't lose you.
I need you, I want you.
Just you.
Only you.
My heart is yours.

nothing at all

Desolate... Solitary..
Depraved.
Leave.
Choking out the words.
Masochism.
The view from my head, my warped outlook, something far past pessimistic.
Sometimes irate.
Complete despair.
Tainted thoughts.
A thirst, for dullness.
Disgust with everyone and everything.
Get away from me.
Don't touch me.
Don't talk to me.
Don't fucking look at me.
No tolerance.
Wasted, as well as wasteful.
No words, no memory, no care.
Vague thoughts.
Wants? Wants.
many many wishes.
Irrational?
Most likely.
Shame.
Annoyance.
I am so annoyed.
Runaway, just in my head.
I don't want your help.
Just leave me alone.
Nothing makes sense.
Longing..
For love..
as always..
never goes.
never comes.

Hollow

I need some inspiration..
If I had anything going on.
I hide in the shower as often as I can..
But I can't always be there..
There's nowhere else to go..
and I still can't think..
my head is foggy, my mind is clouded.
every part of me..falling..if not already..apart.
stomach..weak...legs..tired..arms..dead..
my lungs will collapse as soon as I let them..
eyes are heavy.. my head is a dead weight.
as soon as I can let go..
But I can't stop feeling.
I'm almost gone, but always breathing.
Somehow..
falling out, but always here.
my words are vague, but i'm just too sick.
just too cold.