And you don't know who you thought you were.

What are we supposed to do without our minds?
We'll hide away for our souls have been stolen, and now we feel so alone.
Forget all of our needs. You are my one desire.
Touch me. Want me. Love me. Always.
We drown ourselves in feelings of despair, for we have been depraved.
Involuntarily stripped of our sanity, when we were young.
Torn from innocence, we turned our ways.
Our heads abound in vile thoughts...
We began with self destruction.
The mind I swear I once had, I'd admit to be ailing.
It all became a matter of choice, complete with masochism.
We are cold, we are dark, we are sick. But we are passionate, and we are real.
Though my heart may seem dark, it's what I have to offer.
I know it's nothing special, but it will always beat for you.

There's no such thing as a title

Where is the refresh button?
It wouldn't be cheating.. right?
I'm tired, I'm sick.
I'm drained, empty.
I'm weak, useless.
I feel as if I can barely breathe.
I feel as if I have no worth.
Why do you continuously try giving up on me, self?
Why am I here?
No, it's not that I don't want to be, I just don't understand why I am.
I know what I want, I just don't know if I want it.
That's totally ridiculous, I know.
I want to want it all, I want to crave it and need it.
It seems like I don't and can't feel.
I know there are some things I feel.
Like my passionate hate for Crystal.
The feeling grows stronger every day,
each minute that I think about Her.
Though I'm just as evil a monster.
I long for desire.
I hardly even crave something so little as cigarettes anymore.
Where have I gone, and will I ever return?

this feels

Who ever decided you should have to title your blogs?
I don't like that.
I don't have anything to say really.
This feels like an end.
I lay in my bed, I cry, I hurt.
I'm sorry, so deeply sorry.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
You got a thousand, I got none.
I forgave you, I held you, I comforted you.
I whispered its okay, everyone makes mistakes.
I said, we're all human, we all mess up.
Nobody is perfect.
I guess I have to be.
I didn't do enough for you?
I wasn't there?
But I was, I was there.
I never meant to hurt you. I've never lied to you.
I would never hurt you again.
You are my everything, you hurt I hurt.
This can't be the end.
I can't let go of you, I can't lose you.
I need you, I want you.
Just you.
Only you.
My heart is yours.

nothing at all

Desolate... Solitary..
Depraved.
Leave.
Choking out the words.
Masochism.
The view from my head, my warped outlook, something far past pessimistic.
Sometimes irate.
Complete despair.
Tainted thoughts.
A thirst, for dullness.
Disgust with everyone and everything.
Get away from me.
Don't touch me.
Don't talk to me.
Don't fucking look at me.
No tolerance.
Wasted, as well as wasteful.
No words, no memory, no care.
Vague thoughts.
Wants? Wants.
many many wishes.
Irrational?
Most likely.
Shame.
Annoyance.
I am so annoyed.
Runaway, just in my head.
I don't want your help.
Just leave me alone.
Nothing makes sense.
Longing..
For love..
as always..
never goes.
never comes.

Hollow

I need some inspiration..
If I had anything going on.
I hide in the shower as often as I can..
But I can't always be there..
There's nowhere else to go..
and I still can't think..
my head is foggy, my mind is clouded.
every part of me..falling..if not already..apart.
stomach..weak...legs..tired..arms..dead..
my lungs will collapse as soon as I let them..
eyes are heavy.. my head is a dead weight.
as soon as I can let go..
But I can't stop feeling.
I'm almost gone, but always breathing.
Somehow..
falling out, but always here.
my words are vague, but i'm just too sick.
just too cold.

This.

I try my best to concentrate on the sound of the water running as I lay there underneath. The sound of the water hitting more water, skin, the shampoo bottle. I think about nothing but the sounds. Different patterns, different tones. Different sounds. Skin feels tight, stomach feels weak. I try to lay there forever. Always do. Only place I am completely alone. As soon as I leave, I want to go back. Drown myself with the overwhelming feeling of peace I only get in this place. I lay still. Silent. Fan. Water. Heartbeat. Fade out. Now I'm in my head. My mind. Memories, feelings, thoughts. I'm thinking things. Could happen. Did happen. Might happen. Will happen. Won't happen. Don't happen. People, places, objects. Feelings, sounds, pictures. Skin turns wrinkly, it's been two hours. Constantly waiting, but not here. Never here. Nothing bad about this time. Everything good, only now. All emotions, together. Apart. Everywhere. Calm, comfort, trust, because I know you'll always be there. Just an object.

Inferior

There's a quiet awkwardness wherever I go.
It is mine, I know that much.
It is contagious, I also know this.
It comes along with my self loathing, another thing I am aware of.
This night is empty and ill.
My mind is blank, and my stomach is turning.
I rest my lifeless, tired fingers on the keyboard, searching the room for something to trigger a topic.
I have nothing to write.